I've always moved around and the time period between every move seems really harsh to the little kid I was. Two to three years is definitely a sufficient amount of time for young kids to make bonds but especially because they are young kids, it's also equally hard to keep those bonds after you move and I felt that. A lot.
After two or three years, you make best friends and you always promise to be together no matter what but kids are fickle. As soon as I leave, I never hear from those same friends again. Sure they're on Facebook now but what does that mean when you can't see each other or talk to each other about school or even just hang out? I just descend into just a small part of their memories. Because of this keeps happening to me, I started to lose faith in making friends. I would smile along and be friendly but what attachments are useful to me? I'll just lose them anyway and I'll be hurt. But no matter how much I try I always end up thinking that a set of people are precious to me. No matter how much I lie to myself and say that they aren't they actually are and when I leave and I'm all alone again, I end up terrified that I didn't mean anything to any of the friends I've made.
I've started doubting new friends and even when I've with the friends that I've actually kept in contact with, I feel like I'm just forcing myself onto them because I hate being alone. Now I just look back at my life and see all the happy times with my friends and start wondering how much of that meant to any of them.
Moving terrifies me. Change terrifies me. One of my biggest dreams was to be able to live in one place forever. To have a childhood friend and to have one school that I can confidently say that I was the product of. I know it's selfish because there are tons of people out there who would love to live the kind of life I've had but every time I read books where characters know their town and where they belong I feel so jealous. I don't even have I place I can call my definite home or a town that I could say I grew up with. I don't know what kind of culture I've lived or what my personality is because everything keeps changing depending on where I live. I just feel so lost in the shuffle. I know I've learned a lot from the experiences I've had but sometimes I just wish that I was just a normal kid in a normal town where I can confidently say I came from. That's why when I grow up, I'm going to stick my roots into one place and build my own home.